For the Love of Cats

While cleaning out one of our cabinets cluttered with leftover college textbooks, I came across a collection of journals that I've kept over the years. I also found my first diary. It's a small white diary with Strawberry Shortcake on the cover. On the inside, my mom wrote: "To my sweet daughter on her eighth birthday." I was reading that diary and realized how little things have changed. Even at eight years old, I was writing about our cats. We had a lot of cats growing up. One particular cat, Happy, had a litter of kittens every year. Of course, I didn't know anything about spay and neuter back then and my dad was barely able to put food on the table, let alone afford to have a cat spayed. So, we had a lot of cats. Some of those cats I remember with such fondness and some of them bring tears to my eyes. I am reflecting on my love for cats tonight because as I get more involved with cat rescue, I realize the pain that it brings. However, despite that pain, it brings such rewards.

And it's those rewards I have to remember when the pain sets in. These past few weeks have just been really rough. My friend and I at work rescued a cat last November. She was diagnosed with intestinal cancer, which explained why she was skin and bones when I finally caught her. The only option she had for a chance at life was surgery and my friend and I decided to give her that chance. After her surgery, she came home to live with me in our outdoor cat habitat. She had been doing so well and looking so good. And then, about three weeks ago, she just disappeared. It's hard for me because she was not the type of cat to wander. We're on about half an acre and she never even ventured out towards the front of the house. She was always out back, hanging out by the shed or patio. She wasn't a wanderer...yet she vanished. I miss her so much and keep thinking I will look out back and she will be there. There is always the possibility that she crossed the Rainbow Bridge...that she did wander off to die. I know cats do that. But, again, I have a hard time believing she would have wandered that far. I think she would have gone under the shed or found a spot in the garage. So,because I have no proof that she passed, I am going to hold onto hope that one day, she might just return. I dream about her almost every night and in my dreams she is always running through grass, happy...healthy. I miss my Ellie girl so much.



As I'm grieving over Ellie's disappearance, I notice that our permanent Foster cat, Francis, doesn't seem to be doing so well. She's older and has been prone to urinary tract infections. So, last week I brought her to the vet, expecting just another infection. Not so. The vet noticed "abnormal cells" and took an xray of her abdomen. He suspected a possible mass and sent her for an ultrasound. She had the ultrasound the following day and we got the worst possible news: little Francis has bladder cancer. It's pretty bad, too. The diagnosis did surprise me because she has been to the vet a few times for the urinary tract infections. I think it's an aggressive form of cancer and apparently fairly rare in cats. We are still waiting to hear from her doctor (he needed to review the scan and biopsy results), but I think Andrea and I already know what we must do...and that reality is so incredibly painful. I don't want to let her go. It hurts so bad to even think about it..but I feel like that's what we have to do because it's what is best for her. She's just so sweet. One of those cats that starts purring the instant she sees you. And it's sad and it really sucks. BUT, I really have to remember that the last year of her life has been good and happy. She was abandoned, left living under a house, before she was rescued. We saved her and gave her a happy, loving home. I don't want to lose her, but I cannot let her suffer,and I fear that she is suffering. I don't know when she will cross the Rainbow Bridge, but I think it will be soon and I'm going to miss her so much. Andrea will be with her and she will bring her home and bury her in our back yard. I asked Andrea if she was sure she wanted to do that because I know how difficult it will be. She said she was sure because Francis was abandoned once and she should never be abandoned again. She will be home with us where she belongs.



Of course, now I am just crying like crazy...my emotions are so crazy lately. I just love these creatures so much. I hate to see them hurting and in pain. Francis is the third cat we've had now that's had cancer. I don't know WHY these cats keep coming to us, but somehow they end up in our hearts and our home. We love them and take care of them and then see them off to the Rainbow Bridge. Sometimes it just hurts so bad that I swear I will never do it again, and then another one comes along...

We actually did just take in another foster...we committed to her before we knew Francis was sick. The shelter I volunteer for is tearing down their old facility and building a brand new one, so all the cats currently there need to be placed in foster homes for a few months. Our newest foster is Powder Paws. Cutest name ever. She was once feral and is now adorable and sweet. I've loved her for a long time and everyone keeps saying I'm going to get attached. We'll see what happens. I PLAN on bringing her back once the new shelter is ready, but I cannot make any promises. It truly depends on if she's happy here. She loves other cats and our cats can be somewhat mean. It's sad because Powder Paws really just wants a friend. She's adorable and so special.



Oh, it's all just so hard. My heart hurts right now. I know that I can't save them all. I know that I can only love them and let them go when their time has come. But, knowing that doesn't lessen the pain or make it any easier. It's just going to be a tough week. :(