I just had three much needed days off work. They were both relaxing and somewhat productive. I am definitely still in a slump, but I am seeing the light and I think I am beginning my incline to the top. I will heal. I will be okay. The pain will cease and I will always have the memories of those wonderful creatures that have crossed The Rainbow Bridge. Loss is hard, no matter what. There are so many different kinds of losses and we just have to learn to grieve, take the time that we need, and eventually take that fresh step forward. It's not easy, it never is, but in order to allow your body and mind to repair, it has to be done. Repairing and healing is my focus right now. That doesn't mean that I am through grieving or that I won't cry, I will continue to do both of these things. But, I need to inject some positivity into my life before the sadness and despair totally pulls me down. I'm stronger than that and I am not going to allow it to happen.
So, I have a game plan. First and foremost is to get back into my workout routine! I started working out in late February and have noticed much improvement in both my body and my mind. I just FEEL better when I work out and, in turn, that gives me more confidence about myself. As someone who's always lacked self confidence, this is a great thing! I honestly can't even say that I really started working out to lose weight, but it did happen. I've lost eight pounds and what a difference! I want to lose about 8-10 pounds more, but we'll see. It will all come in time. The way that I mix up my workouts really helps. We have a Bowflex and an elliptical so that really helps! I also use Jillian Michaels' DVDS for some extreme cardio and sweating! She's seriously awesome. If you've ever wanted to get in shape, you can definitely do it with her DVDs. I love her and she's just so inspiring! So, yes, working out again is step one! Step two is directly connected to step one and that is making sure I eat well. For the most part, I eat VERY well and primarily organic, but again, this past month or so I've really let myself slide. However, eating better is usually pretty easy for me. I definitely am not addicted to food. In fact, I never really even enjoyed food until I met Andrea. It's hard not to enjoy food when you share your life with a Chef! So, I've changed a lot in that perspective, but she's very knowledgeable and knows how to make us healthy meals and, quite frankly, that is awesome. So, yes. Working out and eating better. That's my first way of getting back on track!
The other thing I need to do is just take some time for MYSELF. There's so much I want to do. I need to make lists and stick with them. I'm a photographer and there is so much I want to pursue, but sometimes it's just all so overwhelming. I need to make a plan and take small steps forward to reach my goal. I want to do photography on the side- primarily feline photography- but I will do other subjects as well. I need to invest in some more equipment and start promoting myself, but again, all of that takes time and planning. So, I've gotta work on that too.
And, lastly..I need a few days to just get away and breathe. We are planning an over night stay in Half Moon Bay next month and I am SO looking forward to it! We go there every year for pumpkin pickin'! They have the most beautiful pumpkins I've ever seen! Also, my all time favorite actress is going to be in a play in So Cal this fall. Going to try and go down to see it, but of course it's playing mainly on the weekends...and of course, I work! But, I might be able to work something out. That would be incredible! To be able to see her work and say hi would be pretty darn cool. So, we'll see. I'm looking into it.
I will be okay. I know I will be. I just need to keep my mind on positive things and focus on my short and long term goals. It will all work out. It always does, right? On that note, I should end this here. Back to work tomorrow and I'm getting tired. I think sleep will be good tonight. I hope I have dreams full of crunchy leaves, pumpkin carving and candy corn. :)
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