Grief

Francis crossed the Rainbow Bridge on Monday...and it has been a very difficult week. I couldn't bring myself to go. I said goodbye to her at home. Gave her kitty kisses and lots of love. Andrea said she went very peacefully. She didn't fight. She closed her eyes and went to sleep. There's an emptiness in our house right now. A kind of void that will take some time to fill. Powder Paws is helping fill that void...but I keep thinking I have to check on Francis and then I remember that she isn't here with us anymore. I miss that kitty so much. She was so sweet. We loved her dearly and we know that we did everything that we could for her. She had a great year with us and I find some comfort in that. Of course, it doesn't ease the pain, for only time will make the pain subside. I know she's resting now. I know she's comfortable and the pain is gone. I miss her terribly, but we had to let her go. Sometimes that is truly the greatest gift that we can give to our animals. To love them enough to let them go says a lot about us...

So, we are moving along. Trying to heal. Trying to get back into the routine of life. It's been tough.

I haven't worked out in weeks. I was doing so well up until a few weeks ago and, let me say, I totally feel a difference. I have to start working out again tomorrow. I feel so much better when I exercise. Right now, the depression and anxiety is pretty heavy. It's like this thick blanket over my skin that I just cannot seem to lift. That's why I need to start working out again. It will make that blanket not so thick and will, hopefully, make it go away soon. I'm just sad. Not feeling all that great. Dealing with a lot of fears that have made their way back to the surface of my heart. It's scary because I'm not sure how to deal with everything right now. I think the amount of stress that I've been under the past month or so has really taken it's toll on me. I just feel heavy, weighed down. It's frustrating.

I'm tired and should sleep soon. I have to get up early tomorrow to go out to FieldHaven and photograph kittens. That should make me feel better! I will write more soon. There is so much on my mind...but right now, I must sleep.