I'm sitting here drinking my second cup of coffee and looking at the sunlight spilling in through the window. On my wall, to my right, is a beautiful tribute to Darius and I can't help but keep looking up at his photo. This time of year is hard. It's been almost one year since Darius crossed the Rainbow Bridge and my heart still aches like it was yesterday. Last night, I allowed myself to just cry. I miss him and losing him has left an emptiness within my heart that will never be filled. It's Darius' space and I am okay with that.
I haven't written since January 6th, almost a year. It's baffling to me that it's been so long, but I guess my reasons for not writing were pure avoidance. Writing always makes things real and sometimes, I just don't want thing to be real. Yes, it's called denial. I've been pretty good at that my entire life.
And that's enough about being negative. That's not what this post is about today. It's really about the positives that have come from the negatives and how much difference a year can make in life. Yes, I've had a bad year. Yes, a lot of terrible things have happened. Yes, there's been a lot of grief and pain. But, the truth of the matter is that this year has taught me a lot about strength, perseverance and the triumph of the human spirit. When I thought I couldn't get through it, I did. When I thought I was going to completely break, I didn't. When I thought I couldn't get up anymore, I took that first step. I made myself move forward and not be stuck in sadness.
That's not to say it was at all easy. It was, without a doubt, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Losing Darius was the first of three very difficult events that took place this year, all within the first three months of the year. Needless to say, I was ready for 2011 to be over before it even began.
Yet, something happened in January, just four days after I lost Darius, that pretty much changed my world. My sister and I decided to attend a cat show, despite my desire to just stay home and cocoon myself in bed. I didn't know how seeing the cats would effect me, nor did I completely trust myself to be at a show, fearing I might come home with a kitten! That didn't happen, of course, but going to the cat show was fate at its best. While there, I saw an amazing cat that caught my eye, an F1 Savannah named Kilimanjaro. I snapped a few photos of him, got his information card from his owners, and enjoyed the rest of the day. I decided to email the photos to his owners and everything just snowballed from that point forward. I was given the most wonderful gift of photographing Kili, but more so,I was given the gift of friendship and love by Kili's wonderful family. Knowing Kili was amazing, but becoming friends with his owners....a blessing I cannot even begin to put into words.
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